Phew... today was nutty. It was the day of meetings... work, extracurricular, and church. So there are a million things I could say, but due to my caffeine intake yesterday (and subsequent insomnia until 2 am) I don't have the time to prioritize this day of writing as much as the others (my apologies).
I will say that being it's the month of Halloween and I've watched Criminal Minds too much... it was rather amusing for me to get a call from an unavailable number with creepy static in the background that proceeded to hang up on me after a few seconds. Hello stalker!
On a more serious note (because let's face it... once I get started... even if I say I should go to bed... I'm going to end up writing a small novel). I have an amazing friend whose been working on body image with the community in my city. It started out when she saw billboards from the plastic surgeons essentially pronouncing "Go Confidently..." and get a tummy tuck. So she started taking pictures of people as we are and posting our pictures with the meme "Go Boldly - Love your body" Tonight, we gathered together to form the word "Love" with our bodies and also hear from a soon to be famous authoress who has written a book on her experience with body image, running, and eating disorders. (And we ate delicious sushi!!!!)
I met a special woman who has battled through a physically abusive past, homelessness, and probably many resulting psychological issues... who is now awesomely completing college. Getting to spend time with her was an amazing mesh of my schoolwork (I'm doing a presentation on child abuse) and themes that I keep seeing in people. She related being a control freak (due to her past) and I realized how closely that mirrors the history I've had with rescuing people from eating disorders. Perfectionism isn't always just about image... it is about control... and control is about feeling safe.
Some people say it is wrong to strive for safety... that it can become an idol. But here's the thing. If you never had the feeling of safety - you essentially inherit a hoard of psychological problems. Even if your safety bonds have been interrupted before you were able to consciously remember it (as in my case when adopted), your internal stability is forever changed. I will always have greater issues with loss of relationships than the average person because of something I can't even remember. It's hard for me to accept, but it's becoming more obvious the older I become.
The key is not in striving for safety or ignoring safety completely... but in knowing that a safety net always exists whether or not you can see it. A baby will only leave his mother if he knows he can return immediately. I think that it is silly to say that safety is an idol - comfort? Yes. Safety? Not so much. We need to feel safe in order to be able to confront all that is unsafe. We need to know that even if everything around us is falling apart... there still remains someone constant.
I'm really not sure where I'm going with this now... so I'm going to bed. But my small preachament for the day exists in this true statement. God is on your side. He is your safety net. If anyone has made you feel otherwise, they are lying. He has said "Never will I leave you, nor will I forsake you". He gave up his own safety and became human that you might have that steadfast promise.
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