Mundane Mondays

Evening my cyberpeeps.

This is going to be disorganized and possibly not as optimistic as usual. I don't function well in the evening because I'm a morning girl. I'm kind of like Gawain... except I'm a girl and I don't have shining armor. If you don't know who that is... well then you need to spend some time with the Arthurian legend. Though on second thought, if we're discussing optimism... maybe drop that. I can never stand the ending to the Arthurian legend. Why must all things good and noble come to such a dirty end?

Anyway, in the evening and as the moon waxes and wanes (cuz now I'm also like a werewolf), I tend to become more morose. This morning I had half a dozen or so topics I considered expounding upon, but alas, now it all seems so futile. I am my lonely, little self and what use is it to this enormous, dangerous cyberspace? I often ask myself, why can't you be happy being small? Why do you want to be large and splashy? Sometimes I diagnose myself cruelly with narcissistic personality disorder. As far as you can tell, that could be true, but I can assure you it's not... mostly because I have the ability to empathize and could never be mistaken for being unemotional. But I am easily hurt or rejected and I do have fantasies of great success or attraction... Hence I'm hiding out in cyberspace hoping to become a viral hit. Hahahaha just kidding... sort of. ;)

I know that messiness will never become popular. A really brilliant person could take into account everything that is attractive and put it into an account. Actually a woman already did this. She created the perfect online dating profile. I attached the ted talk! Amy Webb


Here's the thing. You can put popularity into a formula and hijack it, but the problem is that I can't contort myself into that formula... and not for trying. I've probably tried to jam myself into that equation a million times and failed... Sometimes I fail with great actual success... like the time I got my public high school class to participate in buying a goat for Samaritan's Purse. What?! I know I'm super weird. And most of the time I'm pretty happy with it. It's just when the evening kicks in and I'm all alone, things can look pretty futile. I watch all the extroverted girls do it better. I watch the already famous people toting excellent causes. I wonder if I'm simply undesirable or completely delusional. I watch the trends getting attention and know I'll never be able to put on that kind of performance.

But I persevere. I remember that I committed to having one talent... and one talent alone: To love well. And I can love even if I am mess. I can love whether or not I'm popular. I can love when there is only one person around... myself. It's not a bad thing to love ourselves. We must first love ourselves in order to be able to love others. I may have forsaken becoming a famous soccer player, a world class pianist, an Olympic swimmer (that was never happening at five foot), or a brilliant researcher/doctor... but that was in order to become better at nursing, at listening, at being someone who never gives up on you, at learning how to deal with hurt without dishing hurt back, at setting boundaries without breaking hearts, at walking with people in every day life. And that is someone who will never make the headlines.

So I remind myself of the Mother Teresa quote I have already used... "Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love"

#Tedtalks #MotherTeresa #Popularity #Onlinedating #Arthurianlegend