Fear

It's funny what we're conditioned to fear...

Though maybe funny isn't the correct terminology.

When we're little, it's the ghouls and the dark.

When we're older, it's rejection, shame, being wrong, failing.

I like to think that I'm not afraid. I did conquer my fear of the dark as a child in one conversation with God. I also got (mostly) over my horror at skeletons (mostly because as a nursing student you can't avoid them).

But I haven't gotten over my fear of rejection. My heart still seizes when a friend doesn't answer a phone call for two days, or an acquaintance ignores a wave their way.

Psychologists try to tell me it's engrained in my makeup. I was adopted at 3 months.  Therefore, my bonding was interrupted not once, but twice. I don't believe them. I think it has more to do with the people I meet every day. People who show themselves incapable of accepting so many different people.

I can't understand not loving people. I started OB-GYN this rotation. I can't help wanting to eradicate the fear and shame on a woman's face who has had an abortion. While I vehemently despise the action since it could have stopped me from writing this (never forget abortion kills), I also despise the fear and hatred we place on others because of an action. If life is of utmost value, why stamp it down in a woman already struggling? Where is the life in that?

I'm still haunted by the fear created by others. So are many others. Let's not create more fear out of our own. 

#Chooselife #Stoprejection

Liz