Reflections

Photo credit: Me

Greetings lovely folks,

Frankly, it felt more like December in November... when this picture was taken. That reminds me... I wanted to share the "great phone miracle". Remember how I lost my snow in that crazy storm on the way to work? Well two weeks later, my parents got a call. A nice lady named Rachel had found the phone, across the street (where it had evidently been plowed), charged it up, and left a message. It's shockingly surprising both that an honest person found it and that it wasn't killed by being plowed across the street! I haven't gone back to using it, because it really is great to have a break from being glued to it... and it's so much more frugal! But I have to admit it gave me hope for greater things in my life. You know I've been in kind of a rut for a while. There are a culmination of things working against me. Sometimes it seems I'll be forever stuck in an unfulfilling state doing small things that don't seem to make any difference in the world.... or that I'll never survive this doctoral program I'm in. The miraculous recovery of the phone reminded me that things that are seemingly impossible (like a phone not getting completely obliterated by being plowed from one side of the road to the other) are not.

Anyway, I still have a killer two days to get through with defending my research proposal and also presenting it before our stakeholders to convince them to buy into it. But for now, I'm sitting peacefully in my living room, drinking honey sweetened chamomile tea, listening to my folk song mix, creating my yearly calendar gift for my brother and sister-in-law. It involves a lot of mindless exacting work... since I have to painstakingly stick on all the numbers... lol. Perhaps I should be practicing for my presentations, but it's good to take some time to be still.

I don't really feel like myself unless I'm creating something. Sometimes I feel like part of myself has been buried until people's negative accusations of myself or my emotions. Sometimes I even feel like one of those famous women poets who is going to go mad or end up in the grave too early. But that's not who I am. In the most lucid moments lit by God's life, I remember He created me to be someone who likewise creates... and creates life-giving situations, gifts, time, etc.  People often sense the spiritual side of me. Once I had a man come up and tell me the Holy Spirit was strong in me and he hoped I would pray over him. Sometimes I worry my spirit has been crushed by trouble. But this lonely season has been a time to regenerate that spirit. I needed it - the solitude. I've been too reliant on other people. I'm prone to depend on others and seek their approval. Somehow I forget that. I have to be reminded.

I feel like God is pulling me on the hand trying to draw me into a gleaming place of riches... and I am looking forward to seeing what he has in store. It is more hope than I have had in a few years. Solo deo gloria.