Charyn

My mother puts me to shame. She's had this horrifying sickness that she passed over to me on Thanksgiving Break. I know... I'm so thankful! (That's cynicism if you didn't catch it in the text). It's reduced me to taking work off which I know she never resorted to.  Granted, I called it pink eye which is highly contagious and of course I'm not allowed to work with pink eye as a nurse. So maybe my mom did have to quit work for a day or so. At any rate, it's one of those woeful lingering diseases. I'm not sure how she managed to put on Thanksgiving dinner and entertain my whole family while feeling this awful. But! In all the awfulness, I managed to finish the Lumatere series I never realized was a series.

In the last book, the characters bring out the phrase "seeing on the side of wonder". I think it's a fantastic concept. It reminded me to have hope even though it's been a rough week. The problem with having one's immune system down... is that one loses serotonin and endorphins by the gallon. I tried to exercise Monday because I felt someone tug on the plug to my Happy... but my body completely shut me down. Body 1: Lizzie:0. It was pretty ugly. Now I realize, it was because my body had all the troops rallied against Mr. Sap-sucking Disease.

At any rate, I've been in grad school for the last three years with the most ridiculous situation that repeats itself. If there's one thing that truly incites depression... it's feeling stuck. You can be trod on for so long... and then your spirit begins to lose hope. I've had a single continuing project for the last three years that keeps slamming in my face in the same manner. I feel alone, scared, inadequate, and confused most of the time. It's entirely depressing. But! Every day I'm one step closer to it being over. I may feel horrendously stuck, but I have to remind myself that there is a forseeable end. And. The real moral of the story is... there is always an end in sight. Most of us can keep that in mind. But some of us lose the ability to "see the side of wonder". We look at our surroundings and get trapped in our skins. We feel the sides of various oppression crushing in... and think "The only way out is death. Please let me go to sleep and never wake up". It is to you and sometimes myself, that I proclaim the truth! There is always a way out. And it is never death.

Sometimes you must forget yourself and allow someone to extract you from yourself. When you hover outside your skin... it is there you can see the bigger picture and know there is a way out. Sometimes, you need to stop fighting the immediate thing crushing you, and back away. You need to back out of the moment, the hour, the day, the week, the month, the year, the years.  This is the only way you'll be able to remember... Hope is always possible.

If Jesus really did rise from the dead... then life can come out of death
Health from sickness
Joy from despair
All the impossibles can be made possible

That's the good news.