A little bit of nonsense

Hey-o!

Thought I forgot completely about you didn't ya? Frankly, I'm not very cool with abandonment. In fact, it's probably on my top 3 things I hate the most. So no, I did not abandon you -  though I've gotta admit, I probably abandoned myspace. Really, I did kind of abandon you, because you don't really exist. You're an audience that my narcissism dreamed into existence. Ok besides the one of you that stopped reading this when I stopped writing consistently - that one is real. But that one is an anomaly, because that one knows who I am. And the point of this blog was to be a different person. If that's not a personality disorder brewing... I'm not sure what is. Funnily enough, I'm much more popular as myself - the self that one person knows - than a random person in the ethernet.

I don't think I wanted to be popular exactly. WELL. Let's be honest, we all want to be popular. But what I wanted: was to offer everything I am and have... to anyone who could possibly benefit. I recently discovered that accordingly to family systems theory - that I have a rescuer complex. Well duh. I've had a rescuer complex since I was 7 and imagined myself as George Washington's daughter - savior of the Revolutionary War with cute soldier boy on one side and bedraggled child on the other. Probably every fantasy in my waking life has included me saving people, animals, hopes - anything. And yeah... it's probably not the most healthy aspect of my life - and I've developed self-differentiation and the ability to coach instead of triangulate. However, I'm pretty sure it has to have some deeply rooted genetics that can't be all bad.

The fact is: I don't think I will ever get over it. The drive to make things right, well, whole, flourishing... shalomy: that drive will always be in first gear. I cannot deny that part of myself or I end up creating insanity blogs online. So maybe this is more for me than for you. But I guarantee that if you get this far and still need a word of encouragement, I can give it to you.

You are not alone.

L