Burnout

Over the last 3-4 years, I've been struggling with an odd mixture of burnout and loneliness. I've made some changes which I think are very helpful, though in turn, I feel more isolated. I want to start new things and meet new people, but it seems like a mountain to climb to get there. When my pastor offered spiritual guidance on Thanksgiving, I snapped up the opportunity. We talked for the first time last night. I confessed to the burden of perfectionism, emotional intelligence, the stress of working and being in a doctoral program, an inability to let go of relationships, and my profound sense of loss created through broken systems and people. He gave me a verse I know well, but in the new voice of The Message.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30

It brought me to tears... of course... after fever, chills, and fatigue I'm in a general state of fragility. But anyway, I've been instructed to ask myself what a real rest would look like... and if any practices exist that would help me learn the unforced rhythms of grace. My pastor even said, "It should be something that sounds... almost fun if not outright fun" This is why I love my pastor (and my church) so much. I've been running along with the weight of 600 laws on me like the Israelites at the point at which Jesus is speaking to them. I've been trained to think that I can only get closer to God if I work at it. When really, God's standing with arms outstretched, saying "Come away with me, recover your life, your laughter, your joy, your confidence. Come be nourished, be filled, be lavished with love."

So here's my invitation to you to let go of the world's burdens, needs, desires and find solace.

Random

Hullo folks,

I don't have anything in particular to say which results in me putting out a warning statement to the waterfall of words that will follow. I just feel it's rather unfair not to update a blog one promised to keep updated. However, the one person who I found out actually reads this blog is sitting next to me. In retrospect, this will hopefully highly amuse her.

I've started a rather highfalutin class called Org and Admin Theory which is entirely more interesting than it sounds... though that might just be the geek in me. Then again, I'm planing on using it to take over the world (muhahahaha) so maybe that's just my fantastical ego-centrism talking. But seriously, it's fascinating business. According to the textbook premise, you cannot be a well-rounded leader. (Jack of all trades... master of none), and you should focus on making your strengths into excellence, not your weakness into mediocrity. Then you need to choose people who have the strengths you are lacking and build an awesome team of world domination....

This was rather liberating to me... only because I was that high-schooler who recognized the impossibility of getting all A's, having a part-time job, volunteering regularly, being a top athlete, and playing in the orchestra. (Not that I didn't try... I am Asian after all...) I quit an awful lot of things because I knew that I was never going to be the best at them. (I do sometimes sound like an egocentric psychopath). The call, and saving freedom of Christ, is that you don't have to be good at everything.  You don't need to please everyone. You certainly don't need to be the best at anything. All you need to do is love the Lord and your neighbor with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And however much the Catholic church and Protestant work ethic try to make you think otherwise... this is something that can NEVER be quantified. So throw of the chains of expectation, get out of the rat-race of the world, say no to someone... and for goodness sake... find out what's wonderful about yourself and celebrate!

For example, my friend over here excels at napping (teeheehee... she's really going to kill me when she reads this). Luckily one can't be killed over distance............yet. Let's not get into wormholes today please. Anyway, I find it quite interesting that the key to the business world and leadership is to realize that you cannot do it all by yourself. It mirrors the illustration in Christianity that we are parts of one body.

If you're wondering what my results are... #1 is empathy (no surprise there).
2. Developer
3. Individualization
4. Strategic
5. Learner

There are 34 themes (I gave you five) if you were remotely curious... and they divide under four main categories: Executing, Influencing, Relationship-builder, and Strategic. My strengths fall under relationship-builder (again no surprise - they are the people that hold the team together) and strategic (only a small surprise). I need an executor (unsurprising since I am the world's worst decision-maker). I think I can probably handle influencing fairly well, but I wouldn't mind a counterpart who has strengths in both. If I find a suitable male counterpart, my hubris finds certainty that our home improvements would become world improvements. Ahaha. Just kidding.

Ok I'm going to stop rambling about nothing in particular and end with this note. Please drive safely and don't end up in a 100+ vehicular highway smash up with fireworks and acid.

Liz