I've my soulmate song
Lost Boys
I will always love Peter Pan
I will never fit in
I will always be running from reality
Also, I listen to this song on repeat while doing an exegetical study on Hebrews 3 and unbelief... terrified that I will be lost forever
Unbelief (by strong's expanded exhaustive concordance): apeitheia: disbelief (obstinate and rebellious). The word literally means "the condition of being unpersuadable" and denotes "obstinancy, obstinate rejection of the will of God"
Written response in my journal:
I am terrified that I will be judged under [God] as rebellious or an unbeliever... because I an unpersuadable that you [God] are more powerful, or more interesting, or able to compare to my fantasies, my dreams of happiness... marriage, being adored, making a difference, being a leader. And that this is slowly killing me... making me unsaveable.
Thoughts now:
How can you be more? Than the siren song of safety, adoration, importance? How can you be the adventure I'm looking for? How can you fill all of my desires? They seem so vast. C. S. Lewis claims our desires are not great enough... but I feel that mine walk among the stars. I am not satisfied with this reality. I want kings to rise. Nobility to return. I want things to be restored to their original glory. I want to lead the charge screaming. And trample the lies, the injustice, the corruption, the vanity, the evil under my feet.
Oh that you would be Enough. Persuade me. Or I will be a lost boy. A lost cause. An empty whisper on the running stream.
